Have you ever realized that what you thought was true was in fact not. That the world of your creation did NOT agree with you? I have had one of those days.
While I was married the first time my late husband did some unusual things. And why is it that the same thing can happen with your next mate? Is it me?
I choose to think that it isn’t me. That it is just something in the water, in the air, the phase of the moon. . . anything . . . but me.
But if I were to coach someone else on this issue I would tell them that it isn’t any of those things. In fact what happened didn’t mean anything I have previously made it mean.
OK. Great. But I still feel a knot in the pit of my stomach. Interesting how that description really occurs. Or seems to anyway. MY heart is beating in a way that I know it is there. Sometimes stronger than others but not it’s usual soft flutter.
I want to break something. I want to go to sleep. I want to go to sleep until it is all over.
I feel like life will never be the same again. But maybe that idea is a myth. That anything can ever stay the same for very long. The good times will not last just as the bad times are fleeting. It is actually good news. But what to do when I am in the thick of it is what I am inquiring into. What would be the most productive use of my time. Clearly I have a very transformed view of it all. Or am I just numb?
24 years ago today I was skiing on a Mountain on one of the most beautiful days of my life. I had so much fun with my friends. Although I was somewhat out of shape I still managed to ski all the hills. Some with the help of my friends.
And then we got into the bus. All 53 of us. We were leaving the ski hill to return to our hometown of Victoria. As we traveled down the mountain my friends and I were joking around. Someone had brought a PlayGirl Magazine and we were snooping through it and having a good laugh. When I noticed something was off. It just didn’t feel right. The teacher at the front of the bus informed us that the we should stay in our seats and something else that I can not recall. About this time was the time when I left my body and traveled above and had a view of what was going on. My friend, Garner, who was sitting beside me covered my body with his in an attempt to protect me from what would happen next.
The brakes had failed on the bus and our driver was originally trained as a paramedic. We were already going 50 miles an hour ( I heard this part of the story told to me years later so it may not be totally accurate) and our wonderful bus driver knew that if we were to go any faster we would all be killed. So he took the bus off the road. You can only imagine that it must have been like landing a small plane with no landing gear and no brakes. Our bus fell to its side, breaking windows and such and slid along the embankment until it was stopped by a large rock. People were thrown from the bus. It was later revealed that some of the seats were held on with bailer twine and so some of the seats came out too.
As for me, the top of my right ear was severed and probably just hung by a flap. I had a compression fracture of my neck at C2 and C4. I had a big gouge out of the back of my neck.
Two of my bus mates were much worse off than I was. Andy Kerr and Scott Branson had fatal injuries. Andy died soon after that accident and Scott died a few days later.
I don’t try to remember everything and I still remember lots. I don’t remember all of the peoples names who were on the bus with me. In fact I often forget who was on there with me until they bring it up.
Anyway, that is the anniversary that is today.
And I should probably be very gentle with myself today.
If any one would like to contact me.