Sunday, June 12, 2011

My Dad passed away . . . Life is very different now.

It is just sinking in.  No more lunches.  No more going to Costco or Walmart.  No more cuddles.
No more words of wisdom.  No more greatest fan for me.
Now lots of people talk about life after death.  And if it is possible I am very happy for Dad. Because his brother was waiting for him and so was his son.  My first husband was also there.
Here is an interesting and probably totally random bit of information.  I was 21 when my brother died.  I was 32 when my first husband died.  And I am now 43 and my dad died.  Interesting.  I wonder what will happen when I am 54?  Thank goodness I have 11 years to find out.
People call and ask, "What can we do for you?"
The only answer I have is, "I don't know."  You could take all the pain away.  You could erase all my memories so I don't have anything to miss.  You could do my housework and pay all my bills.  You could come and give me a hug.  You could tell me a story about something that you knew about my Dad.
There is no funeral.  No Memorial.  Dad was known by so many people.  And I would love to meet them all.  Just not all in one place.
I find that other people that are incomplete about deaths of their own family members are sometimes the hardest to talk to.  It almost seems like they need support and compassion and I am not really up to that.
Now, I do love to help.  When I am getting down about anything I pray for a call.  And sure enough, someone always calls.  For some support or coaching.  I love the opportunity to provide service. I think if anyone can do it, it is a really good way to get yourself out of your head and be in another person's world for a little while.
A friend of mine shared this on Facebook.  I don't know who wrote it.  But it is pretty timely as that is how I am feeling today.  Like I have held something for much too long and not it is time to Put It Down.

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and
explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water,
and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or
half full?'..... She fooled them all... "How heavy is this glass of water?"
she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I
hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for
an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll
have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer
I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is
with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the
burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest
before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the
burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early
in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them
through the evening and into the night... pick them up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment. Relax;
pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now
'supposed' stress that you've conquered!"
Until next time,
Dar Archibald

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