I once went to Flocks, the bird shop. They hand raise little birds and know everything you would want or need to know about birds. I didn't own a bird but they sold the hay and pellets I needed for my guinea pig.
One day I got into a conversation with one of the fellows there. I had just watched the Pebble and the Penguin movie and was struck by the idea of choosing a mate for life. In the movie the penguin gives a stone to another penguin to signify that they are bonded for life. And as we spoke about it he said to me, "Well yes, they do mate for life. But they also have intimate relations with other birds." I was shocked and interested.
One thing I have found difficult to understand about myself is my love for people. And what seemed to be a conflicting desire.
I find the way that society views relationships is one person committed to another person. But in reality. It is often not that way.
Can any one person totally fill another's needs? Who would want that? This isn't to say that committed couples are bound to have affairs at one point in their relationship because these needs for variety must be met sexually. Sometimes these needs can be fulfilled mentally. And I am reading a book called Opening Up. And there are examples of many different relationships.
A V. A man with 2 women or a woman with 2 men. Or a W. 2 men with 3 women or 2 women with 3 men. So many different combinations and they are all relationships. Permanent or Temporary. They can all work.
Here is another way to look at it. A friend of mine told me of her homestay person who was from Japan. And what she said about relationships is actually very male oriented but could be taken from either gender. She said, Men get married. That's like rice. You have it everyday. You are happy with it. But sometimes. Men like noodles. It doesn't mean they don't like rice anymore. Or that they don't want rice anymore. Just means they like some noodles sometimes. And that makes sense. Doesn't it.
Problem is, in society, there are no role models for this kind of behaviour. The tabloids are full of "She was caught cheating." "He was seen with a younger woman" types of stories. What if we could just be with who we wanted to be with. That it didn't mean that we no longer loved our primary partner. That love isn't finite. It is abundant. And the more you share it the more you have.
Now how to we navigate these waters? That is something to ponder.
Until next time
December 5th, 2012
Realizing that this post is more question than answer, I find it an inspiration. At one time, I was part of the swinging community for about 18 months or so. While I think some in that community are bit flamboyant about their sexual mores (in the same way that many gays tend to be about theirs), there is a certain healthy openness in their approach to relationships and sexuality.ReplyDelete
Marriage is not ownership. Yes, we all want something special and place value on exclusivity but are emotional and sexual exclusivity intrinsically tied together?
I like the rice-noodles analogy. A similar analogy I heard once was if a couple goes out for a truly wonderful dinner and then order dessert afterward, does that mean they didn't enjoy the dinner? A man (or woman) may thoroughly enjoy a healthy, nutritious and filling dinner. It may even be delicious and wonderful. Does that then mean they should have no interest in a taste of dessert?