Saturday, May 7, 2016

Gone but the wake is still on the water

It's less than 3 months since my mum died.  And from some interesting turn of affairs I find myself the partial beneficiary of her property and her car and all of her debts.  Approx $77,000 to be somewhat close.

I learned of conversations that we had leading up to her death and I am now piecing together who said what and where things originated from.

A good friend sent me a few chapters of her book in progress on something she has termed Deep Age.  Somewhat like Old Age but that point where the person you now know yourself to be has long gone and some other thing has taken over your body and your mind.  

We all hope this will never happen to us.  And unfortunately sometimes it happens so slowly that we are unaware when we reach that point.  This is also a tricky time for family as they may question if it is still you in there.

You have been doing your life for many years. And if you have been lucky enough to take any personal development courses like the Landmark Forum you will be aware of the workings of a human being and how much of who we are that is automatic.  When you get old you think that "it" is all still working like usual.  You may say things like, "I've been doing this for years".  "I know this like the back of my hand". But at some point when Deep Age is working its roots into your mind you cannot keep doing your life the way you always have.  Weird things happen to your mind.  It looks the same but it isn't the same.  

I am so present to this phenomenon and I am mad and sad all at the same time.  
Mental illness took my first husband.  So I am familiar with people mentally leaving me before they actually physically die.  But it doesn't make it any easier. 

My wish is that my kids and my present husband know that I love them.  And when it comes time for me to slip into my Deep Age, should I live that long, I set them free.  Don't worry about me.  If I say hurtful things just ignore them and know that I love you. What else can we do?  

I like the idea of the little town in your backyard. Post office, green grocer,
hairdresser, dog wash, etc. All the fun stuff. And of course my favourite hang out, The Unfiltered Interactive Cafe!!! 

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Being an Orphan. Feelings and wakeful nights

My mum died a week ago today.  At about 3 am. I've been waking in the middle of the night since then.  I'm getting used to it.  
So many things to do.  I'm glad we had made a lot of arrangements ahead of time.  Representation agreements, power if attorneys beneficiaries.   Executors.  Or  one of the places that still use a gender chosen title, Executrix.  
But there are still so many questions.  I'm not 100% sure she didn't want to be cremated.  So she will be buried.  I did know she wants to be laid to rest beside her son.  
I feel strange.  As I have after the death of my brother, My first husband, My father, and now my mum.  
I'm just taking one step at a time.  Friends offer to help.  I need to create a list to see what kind of assistance we will need.  Thankfully we are a tight family and we all like to be together.  

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

We Are All in this Together

Seems to be my theme for this year.  

I watched the Film Humans and realized that the life we live in North America is bulloney 
We best appreciate chocolate, coffee, inexpensive clothing and everything else we get to consume off the hard work of people that are paid very little.  

That isn't the whole problem.  The people working for small amounts of money are also working 12 hrs a day or longer.  Being treated with disrespect from their employers.  

Relationships are not equal in many areas of the world.  And somehow we just turn a blind eye to it all 

I wonder, what makes their lives less important than mine?  What makes their happiness less important than mine?  


That's all it is. 

So tonight.  Be ever so thankful that you were born where you are.  And when you drink your mocha, really appreciate all the work that went into your opportunity to enjoy it. 


Photo bombing and other things to make you smile

Friday, October 30, 2015


It is always a good idea to complete on actions put in motion.  
Saying things like "let's do lunch" and not establishing a definite time and place causes what we could call an energy leak.  

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

My Revelations for this week.  We are all just 5 year olds in adult bodies.

Now, I have been introduced to this idea before, but a few days ago I started considering it in a new way.

What if I approach all problems as I would with a small child.  It brings to any situation a level of compassion and care that might not otherwise be present.

It allows for peoples hearts to bust wide open and to have people really take on being fully self expressed.  And it gives me the space to take it on for myself.  To be really kind to myself.

I had a customer tell me about the inquiry into conflict resolution and the thought came to my mind that I should recommend 2 books.  People Skills and How to Talk to Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk.

Not the first 2 books that might come to mind when dealing with Conflict Resolution but 2 books that I think are invaluable when dealing with children.  And inside of my creating that we are all just 5 year olds in adult bodies then wouldn't it make sense to use books that relate issues for children as the best books to help deal with these types of situations in adults?

I don't know what else will come up for me this week.  If you think it would be useful to try this on for yourself I encourage you to do it.  And if you'd like to share in the comments below I'd love to hear what happened for you.

Until next time


Monday, February 16, 2015

The Reinvention

I enjoyed a 2 week vacation in Mexico from January 26th to February 10th.  While I was there I got a day to spend all to myself and I reinvented myself.  Not too much of a difference but some things became obvious to me in a way that it had not done before.
And here is what I created:

Dar Archibald
Relationship and Life Crisis Coach 
~ you won’t move without one.

Why did I say that?  Because in life we get comfortable with the way things are.  Even if we don’t like it the way it is, even if we really really want it to be another way, we won’t do anything about it until we have to.  

Now the good news is that we don’t have to wait for a crisis to occur as those ones are sometimes the most uncomfortable to manage. We can create our own crisis. 

Going through a crisis can be difficult and having your own coach to be available to guide you during this storm, whether self-created or not, is useful.  

Sounds pretty good don't you think?  So the crisis I noticed that I was in, although small, was enough to make me move from, "Gee, I really wish I could speak Spanish." to "Yo hablo Espaniol."  A little. Enough that I could ask "How much" or "Cuanto?" and a few other things to help us at a restaurant and while shopping.  

For someone like myself who really needs to know things, being in a country where I didn't speak the language was a challenge.  And it occurred to me as a crisis.  

nounplural crises 
 [krahy-seez] (Show IPA)

a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turningpoint.
a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.

Ya gotta love a crisis.  It's a count-on-able way to get you from here to there.