Being an Orphan. Feelings and wakeful nights

My mum died a week ago today.  At about 3 am. I've been waking in the middle of the night since then.  I'm getting used to it.  

So many things to do.  I'm glad we had made a lot of arrangements ahead of time.  Representation agreements, power if attorneys beneficiaries.   Executors.  Or  one of the places that still use a gender chosen title, Executrix.  

But there are still so many questions.  I'm not 100% sure she didn't want to be cremated.  So she will be buried.  I did know she wants to be laid to rest beside her son.  

I feel strange.  As I have after the death of my brother, My first husband, My father, and now my mum.  

I'm just taking one step at a time.  Friends offer to help.  I need to create a list to see what kind of assistance we will need.  Thankfully we are a tight family and we all like to be together.  

We Are All in this Together

Seems to be my theme for this year.  

I watched the Film Humans and realized that the life we live in North America is bulloney 

We best appreciate chocolate, coffee, inexpensive clothing and everything else we get to consume off the hard work of people that are paid very little.  

That isn't the whole problem.  The people working for small amounts of money are also working 12 hrs a day or longer.  Being treated with disrespect from their employers.  

Relationships are not equal in many areas of the world.  And somehow we just turn a blind eye to it all 

I wonder, what makes their lives less important than mine?  What makes their happiness less important than mine?  

Location 

That's all it is. 

So tonight.  Be ever so thankful that you were born where you are.  And when you drink your mocha, really appreciate all the work that went into your opportunity to enjoy it. 

#weareallinthistogether

#coffee

#chocolate

Photo bombing and other things to make you smile

Completion.

It is always a good idea to complete on actions put in motion.  

Saying things like "let's do lunch" and not establishing a definite time and place causes what we could call an energy leak.  

My Revelations for this week.  We are all just 5 year olds in adult bodies.

Now, I have been introduced to this idea before, but a few days ago I started considering it in a new way.

What if I approach all problems as I would with a small child.  It brings to any situation a level of compassion and care that might not otherwise be present.

It allows for peoples hearts to bust wide open and to have people really take on being fully self expressed.  And it gives me the space to take it on for myself.  To be really kind to myself.

I had a customer tell me about the inquiry into conflict resolution and the thought came to my mind that I should recommend 2 books.  People Skills and How to Talk to Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk.

Not the first 2 books that might come to mind when dealing with Conflict Resolution but 2 books that I think are invaluable when dealing with children.  And inside of my creating that we are all just 5 year olds in adult bodies then wouldn't it make sense to use books that relate issues for children as the best books to help deal with these types of situations in adults?

I don't know what else will come up for me this week.  If you think it would be useful to try this on for yourself I encourage you to do it.  And if you'd like to share in the comments below I'd love to hear what happened for you.

Until next time

Dar

The Reinvention

I enjoyed a 2 week vacation in Mexico from January 26th to February 10th.  While I was there I got a day to spend all to myself and I reinvented myself.  Not too much of a difference but some things became obvious to me in a way that it had not done before.
And here is what I created:

Dar Archibald - 

Relationship and Life Crisis Coach 

~ you won’t move without one.

Why did I say that?  Because in life we get comfortable with the way things are.  Even if we don’t like it the way it is, even if we really really want it to be another way, we won’t do anything about it until we have to.  

Now the good news is that we don’t have to wait for a crisis to occur as those ones are sometimes the most uncomfortable to manage. We can create our own crisis. 

Going through a crisis can be difficult and having your own coach to be available to guide you during this storm, whether self-created or not, is useful.  

Sounds pretty good don't you think?  So the crisis I noticed that I was in, although small, was enough to make me move from, "Gee, I really wish I could speak Spanish." to "Yo hablo Espaniol."  A little. Enough that I could ask "How much" or "Cuanto?" and a few other things to help us at a restaurant and while shopping.  

For someone like myself who really needs to know things, being in a country where I didn't speak the language was a challenge.  And it occurred to me as a crisis.  

noun, plural crises 

 [krahy-seez] (Show IPA)

1.

a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turningpoint.

2.

a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.

3.

a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.

Ya gotta love a crisis.  It's a count-on-able way to get you from here to there.

Its that time of year again, clocks go back, one more hour of sleep.

We made it through our first year at the Coffee Shop.  The sales that used to make us feel so successful have become expected.  And things are running along quite smoothly.

I am writing a book, coaching clients to full self expression and getting what they want to out of life, being as supportive as I can to my mother who is in and out of hospital and trying to fulfill all the other roles I have in life.

And I am looking forward to one more hour of sleep.  I am sure there is more to life than sleep.  Being fulling alive in the world is great, and my experience right now is 18 hours days and being on my feet a lot of the time.

So where do I find time to nourish myself?  The Choir.  I've been singing with the choir for a little while now.  We had a concert last year, we sang at Rifflandia this summer and a new session just started.

I am also just completing my International Coaches Certification Training.  I sometimes wonder how much training one needs to coach.  I have trained for years now.  Since 2003.  I feel quite competent and there are always those doubts.  Or questions that I ask myself.   Should I use these tools?  Which ones would work best with this client.

I got to practice coach on my teacher today.  That was interesting.  I was aware that I was going in and out of "trying to do it right" and "being of service".

Eventually I think I would like to teach Coaches.  The thought of that excites me.  I will coach for a few years.  And enjoy my life a bit before I choose to pass the torch.

And I am also keenly aware that my grand kids are growing up quickly.  And I haven't spent a lot of time with them recently.  I guess life really does go in waves.  I am going to write a list of the things that I would like to exist or adventures to take in my life and then make a plan to have them happen.