Gone but the wake is still on the water

It's less than 3 months since my mum died.  And from some interesting turn of affairs I find myself the partial beneficiary of her property and her car and all of her debts.  Approx $77,000 to be somewhat close.

I learned of conversations that we had leading up to her death and I am now piecing together who said what and where things originated from.

A good friend sent me a few chapters of her book in progress on something she has termed Deep Age.  Somewhat like Old Age but that point where the person you now know yourself to be has long gone and some other thing has taken over your body and your mind.  

We all hope this will never happen to us.  And unfortunately sometimes it happens so slowly that we are unaware when we reach that point.  This is also a tricky time for family as they may question if it is still you in there.

You have been doing your life for many years. And if you have been lucky enough to take any personal development courses like the Landmark Forum you will be aware of the workings of a human being and how much of who we are that is automatic.  When you get old you think that "it" is all still working like usual.  You may say things like, "I've been doing this for years".  "I know this like the back of my hand". But at some point when Deep Age is working its roots into your mind you cannot keep doing your life the way you always have.  Weird things happen to your mind.  It looks the same but it isn't the same.  

I am so present to this phenomenon and I am mad and sad all at the same time.  

Mental illness took my first husband.  So I am familiar with people mentally leaving me before they actually physically die.  But it doesn't make it any easier. 

My wish is that my kids and my present husband know that I love them.  And when it comes time for me to slip into my Deep Age, should I live that long, I set them free.  Don't worry about me.  If I say hurtful things just ignore them and know that I love you. What else can we do?  

I like the idea of the little town in your backyard. Post office, green grocer,

hairdresser, dog wash, etc. All the fun stuff. And of course my favourite hang out, The Unfiltered Interactive Cafe!!! 

Being an Orphan. Feelings and wakeful nights

My mum died a week ago today.  At about 3 am. I've been waking in the middle of the night since then.  I'm getting used to it.  

So many things to do.  I'm glad we had made a lot of arrangements ahead of time.  Representation agreements, power if attorneys beneficiaries.   Executors.  Or  one of the places that still use a gender chosen title, Executrix.  

But there are still so many questions.  I'm not 100% sure she didn't want to be cremated.  So she will be buried.  I did know she wants to be laid to rest beside her son.  

I feel strange.  As I have after the death of my brother, My first husband, My father, and now my mum.  

I'm just taking one step at a time.  Friends offer to help.  I need to create a list to see what kind of assistance we will need.  Thankfully we are a tight family and we all like to be together.  

We Are All in this Together

Seems to be my theme for this year.  

I watched the Film Humans and realized that the life we live in North America is bulloney 

We best appreciate chocolate, coffee, inexpensive clothing and everything else we get to consume off the hard work of people that are paid very little.  

That isn't the whole problem.  The people working for small amounts of money are also working 12 hrs a day or longer.  Being treated with disrespect from their employers.  

Relationships are not equal in many areas of the world.  And somehow we just turn a blind eye to it all 

I wonder, what makes their lives less important than mine?  What makes their happiness less important than mine?  

Location 

That's all it is. 

So tonight.  Be ever so thankful that you were born where you are.  And when you drink your mocha, really appreciate all the work that went into your opportunity to enjoy it. 

#weareallinthistogether

#coffee

#chocolate

Photo bombing and other things to make you smile

Completion.

It is always a good idea to complete on actions put in motion.  

Saying things like "let's do lunch" and not establishing a definite time and place causes what we could call an energy leak.  

My Revelations for this week.  We are all just 5 year olds in adult bodies.

Now, I have been introduced to this idea before, but a few days ago I started considering it in a new way.

What if I approach all problems as I would with a small child.  It brings to any situation a level of compassion and care that might not otherwise be present.

It allows for peoples hearts to bust wide open and to have people really take on being fully self expressed.  And it gives me the space to take it on for myself.  To be really kind to myself.

I had a customer tell me about the inquiry into conflict resolution and the thought came to my mind that I should recommend 2 books.  People Skills and How to Talk to Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk.

Not the first 2 books that might come to mind when dealing with Conflict Resolution but 2 books that I think are invaluable when dealing with children.  And inside of my creating that we are all just 5 year olds in adult bodies then wouldn't it make sense to use books that relate issues for children as the best books to help deal with these types of situations in adults?

I don't know what else will come up for me this week.  If you think it would be useful to try this on for yourself I encourage you to do it.  And if you'd like to share in the comments below I'd love to hear what happened for you.

Until next time

Dar

The Reinvention

I enjoyed a 2 week vacation in Mexico from January 26th to February 10th.  While I was there I got a day to spend all to myself and I reinvented myself.  Not too much of a difference but some things became obvious to me in a way that it had not done before.
And here is what I created:

Dar Archibald - 

Relationship and Life Crisis Coach 

~ you won’t move without one.

Why did I say that?  Because in life we get comfortable with the way things are.  Even if we don’t like it the way it is, even if we really really want it to be another way, we won’t do anything about it until we have to.  

Now the good news is that we don’t have to wait for a crisis to occur as those ones are sometimes the most uncomfortable to manage. We can create our own crisis. 

Going through a crisis can be difficult and having your own coach to be available to guide you during this storm, whether self-created or not, is useful.  

Sounds pretty good don't you think?  So the crisis I noticed that I was in, although small, was enough to make me move from, "Gee, I really wish I could speak Spanish." to "Yo hablo Espaniol."  A little. Enough that I could ask "How much" or "Cuanto?" and a few other things to help us at a restaurant and while shopping.  

For someone like myself who really needs to know things, being in a country where I didn't speak the language was a challenge.  And it occurred to me as a crisis.  

noun, plural crises 

 [krahy-seez] (Show IPA)

1.

a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turningpoint.

2.

a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.

3.

a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.

Ya gotta love a crisis.  It's a count-on-able way to get you from here to there.

Its that time of year again, clocks go back, one more hour of sleep.

We made it through our first year at the Coffee Shop.  The sales that used to make us feel so successful have become expected.  And things are running along quite smoothly.

I am writing a book, coaching clients to full self expression and getting what they want to out of life, being as supportive as I can to my mother who is in and out of hospital and trying to fulfill all the other roles I have in life.

And I am looking forward to one more hour of sleep.  I am sure there is more to life than sleep.  Being fulling alive in the world is great, and my experience right now is 18 hours days and being on my feet a lot of the time.

So where do I find time to nourish myself?  The Choir.  I've been singing with the choir for a little while now.  We had a concert last year, we sang at Rifflandia this summer and a new session just started.

I am also just completing my International Coaches Certification Training.  I sometimes wonder how much training one needs to coach.  I have trained for years now.  Since 2003.  I feel quite competent and there are always those doubts.  Or questions that I ask myself.   Should I use these tools?  Which ones would work best with this client.

I got to practice coach on my teacher today.  That was interesting.  I was aware that I was going in and out of "trying to do it right" and "being of service".

Eventually I think I would like to teach Coaches.  The thought of that excites me.  I will coach for a few years.  And enjoy my life a bit before I choose to pass the torch.

And I am also keenly aware that my grand kids are growing up quickly.  And I haven't spent a lot of time with them recently.  I guess life really does go in waves.  I am going to write a list of the things that I would like to exist or adventures to take in my life and then make a plan to have them happen.

What Christmas is this?

It is my second Christmas without my Dad.  My Mum has health issues that has her in and out of the hospital.  My first husband has been gone for many years and my little brother was dead when I was 21.

I am a happy person.  Ask anyone.  And I am also keenly aware of loss.  Mine and other peoples.  How do you let yourself fall in love with anyone or anything knowing that at any time the experience or relationship will soon be over.  You never get this moment back again.  This is it.

So I was asking myself, what Christmas is this?  A friend of mine brought up the concept of YTG.  So my years-to-go date that I picked for myself is 46.  When my years-to-goes are all gone I will be 92.  Not sure if I will live that long or if I even want to, but that is what year I picked.  And to be fair the good healthy years I have left are probably more like 30.  At which point I will be 76.

How many of us are thinking this way?  Does it make it easier to not just coast through life?  Most people live life like there are many tomorrows.  True says we really don't know.

This Christmas for me is all about relationships.  Starting with the one I have with myself.  A phase of my life is ending.  And if I get to create the next few chapters I do want them to be interesting enough to get up for (if you know what I mean).

What kind of interesting stuff can I get up to?  Well first a few minutes to myself.  Then I am sure it will start to percolate.  That is one thing I love about life.  There are no vacuums.  (As in the empty nothing space).  They always get filled.  And so I will flood my being with the images of my desires and see what starts to grow.

Sounds like I might be having some interesting conversations at the Coffee Shop this week.

Dar
December 2013

Since January so much has happened . . . We opened a Coffee Shop

I feel like I am in a dream.  A good one, thankfully.  We recently purchased a coffee shop, Street Level Espresso.  One that my family and I have known about for a few years. It has had a few different owners recently and now we are lucky to call it ours.

We are officially Perogy Cat approved.  Which for some of you that may not mean much, but to others this is good news.  When the coffee shop first opened as Street Level Espresso there was the Perogy Cat on the cups.  The story my daughter tells me is that a friend of hers brought her a delicious Americano coffee and the name of the coffee shop was not on the cup.  Just this cartoon cat that said "shoot film not heroin".  Being intrigued she headed out to find out where this cat cup came from.
And she found one of her soon-to-be favourite coffee shops in downtown Victoria.  The cartoonist of the Perogy Cat is Gareth Gaudin of Legends Comics and Books.

Now it is our family business. We have many drinks to please all sorts of pallets. Of course our focus is on great coffee.  Traditionally served in-house as espresso, machiatto or cappuccino in little cups of heaven.   For the non-coffee drinker, we have a simple but lovely Street Fog (aka London Fog) and an assortment of teas sourced locally in Victoria and from Kamloops.  Our special Root Beer Tea (Victoria) is a favourite of many. We also have other delicious non-caffeinated bevys.  Such as our Enlighten Chai Latte.  You must try it to believe it.

We carry Coffee from Discovery coffee which is Roasted right here in town.  The smell of it brings customers through the door many mornings and we also have an amazing decaf for a later-in-the-day coffee that won't keep you up. Also delicious.

I could give you a run down of everything we offer in the store.  But best to come in and have a conversation with one of our Baristas and see what you would love to try.

Our idea is to have our little coffee shop become a hub of connection for many people in the city.

See you there soon.

Dar, Dave, Sienna and Matea

I can see clearly now . . .

How many of us are aware of the fact that we are getting older.  Those of us over 40 are probably more aware than the younger folks.  I have noticed that as my parents aged their friends were all passing away.  And I was not looking forward to getting THAT old.  The old where your body doesn't work quite right anymore, you don't recognize yourself in the mirror and all your friends are dying; that kind of old.

Looking at my life now I realize that I already feel like I am there in many ways.  Many of the people I love or have loved have passed away.  To the point where if there is a heaven and all those people are there I think it may be better than here.

And so I look at why might I want to stay here on this physical plane.  There are many things that are worth doing and many things that are fun and frivolous.  Is there really a right reason?  I don't think so. One thing I love to do is to coach people and be with my family.

Since as long as I can remember, people have asked me for advise.  I don't know all the answers but for a while there I thought I did.  I have come to realize that there are some simple truths to life.  And that if you follow them you will be content if not blissfully happy.

#1. Suffering is caused from not choosing what is already happening.
#2. Speaking a future into existence is possible.  The right actions do need to follow.
#3. If you are doing something contrary to your heart, stop the action and choose again.
#4. Sometimes you can do it just because you said you would.  And for no other reason.
#5. Integrity works.

One of my fabulous coaches asked me a great question once.  It was:

Are you willing to give up what you want, to get what you can really have?

What is it that I really want?

To have a life full of freedom and fun.

The reason why it was a cool question was that in the WANTING of it, I am declaring that I DO NOT already HAVE it.

Now you can try this exercise out for yourself.  See if you can give up wanting it.  That thing you want.  And see what else shows up.  Stop putting it on your goal sheet. Stop striving for it.  Stop asking for it.

If you have trouble with this I am always available for coaching.  Of course you also have to ask yourself, am I ready, willing and able to take the coaching?  Some mind bending might occur.  You ready for that?

Tomorrow and the next day are coming. And they will pass.  You get to choose whether you want them to be the same as they always have been or if you would like them to be any different.

LDA 2013

What is it with Girls?

My project for life is to have Sexual Energy Acknowledged, Honoured and Celebrated on the planet by  2022.  I will be 65 that year.

Since having invented this future many things have come to my attention.  Namely how mean the Female Gender is to one another.  I am reminded of this on a daily basis as I read blog comments and do research.


There is a quote from a drawing in my cousin's book I remember reading when I was young.

It said,

Yes there is a devil,
Of that there is no doubt,
But trying to get in us,
Or trying to get out.

Where does all this cruelness come from?  Is in in us already?  Or does it get cultivated there and if it does, how does that happen?


Female Genital Mutilation is often done to girls by the women in their community.

I thought I would need to direct my attention to the men on the planet.  If I removed the issues that men bring such as wife beating etc. then the women would be safe. But my thoughts were misguided.  Where I really need to put my attention is on the objectification of anything, be it animals, woman, men, children, cultures, races and/or points of view.

Some women who wear the burqa are sad for the American women.  Why are we (North Americans) the ones who show everything and cover our eyes (with sunglasses for instance)?

Why is it that the media allows women to be seen on escort sites as long as they don't show their eyes?  How is this helpful?  Prostitution happens.  And then we regulate it to make the women more like objects?

Does it all start with how we raise or children?  Is it this fear that has us question each other?  Mothers are frequently bashing each others choices as we raise our children. There are so many platforms one can stand on.  Anti-abortion.  Anti-circumcision.  Anti-vaccination. Anti-Trafficing (children being sold into slavery) Pro-Life. Pro-Gender Equality. Gay Liberation. Women's Liberation.  The list goes on forever.  I am not saying that there isn't a need for people to stand up for what they believe in. I am just saying that allowing people to have their opinions even if it differs from your own is a difficult, yet valuable thing.

Why do we continue to question the motivations of each other?  As I think I learned from reading Gary Zucav's books we often criticize that which we inhabit within ourselves. Here is what was recently posted on the blog of quotes I AM, WE ARE

"If you are unconscious of an aspect of yourself; if it operates outside your field of awareness, that aspect has power over you.

 I have come to the conclusion that until I find and heal the fears in me that I do not know about, and those that I do know about, I will not be able to contribute much that will not be part of the many challenges we face – such as brutality, poverty, drug abuse, child abuse, abuse of the environment, and abuse of women, to name a few.

 Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is."

 I am afraid of people who point fingers.  I am aware that those who are pointing are often more the problem that the people they are pointing the fingers at.

So on this journey of having my project be fulfilled in time.  I am often confronted by things I did not expect.

When I started I figured it would be simple.  Men would look after women.  There would be no more rape.  And there would be no little girls who grow up thinking that sexual touching is a normal day to day occurrence.  I thought the problem was men.

I thought that if I became a foster parent and did my part to make a difference with little boys, then I would make a small dent in this large problem.

But I think that it is far more invasive than I know.  And I must say, I am afraid to find out the extent of it.

And as I sit here I am reading the most recent news of a woman who was gang raped while riding the bus with her male companion who was also beaten and thrown from the bus.   She died.  The outpour of support from both men and women is heart warming.  Why does it take such travesties to create this kind of outpour?

I do not know the answer and I am still wondering how this project of mine will come to fruition.

Are you with me on this one?

How will Relationships Look in the Future?

I once went to Flocks, the bird shop.  They hand raise little birds and know everything you would want or need to know about birds.  I didn't own a bird but they sold the hay and pellets I needed for my guinea pig.

One day I got into a conversation with one of the fellows there.  I had just watched the Pebble and the Penguin movie and was struck by the idea of choosing a mate for life. In the movie the penguin gives a stone to another penguin to signify that they are bonded for life.  And as we spoke about it he said to me, "Well yes, they do mate for life.  But they also have intimate relations with other birds."  I was shocked and interested.

One thing I have found difficult to understand about myself is my love for people.  And what seemed to be a conflicting desire.

I find the way that society views relationships is one person committed to another person.  But in reality.  It is often not that way.

Can any one person totally fill another's needs?  Who would want that?  This isn't to say that committed couples are bound to have affairs at one point in their relationship because these needs for variety must be met sexually.  Sometimes these needs can be fulfilled mentally.  And I am reading a book called Opening Up.  And there are examples of many different relationships.

A V.  A man with 2 women or a woman with 2 men.  Or a W.  2 men with 3 women or 2 women with 3 men.  So many different combinations and they are all relationships.  Permanent or Temporary.  They can all work.

Here is another way to look at it.  A friend of mine told me of her homestay person who was from Japan.  And what she said about relationships is actually very male oriented but could be taken from either gender.  She said, Men get married.  That's like rice.  You have it everyday.  You are happy with it.  But sometimes.  Men like noodles.  It doesn't mean they don't like rice anymore.  Or that they don't want rice anymore.  Just means they like some noodles sometimes.  And that makes sense.  Doesn't it.

Problem is, in society, there are no role models for this kind of behaviour.  The tabloids are full of "She was caught cheating."  "He was seen with a younger woman" types of stories.  What if we could just be with who we wanted to be with.  That it didn't mean that we no longer loved our primary partner.  That love isn't finite.  It is abundant.  And the more you share it the more you have.

Now how to we navigate these waters?  That is something to ponder.

Until next time
Dar

December 5th, 2012

Expressing Yourself - you are only getting older, there isn't much more time left. Get on with it!

So here I am, 45 years old.  And what moves me to tears is people expressing themselves.  Real authentic from the gut expression.

I have assisted many people to open the gates, so to speak.  And I have had assistance opening my own.

I was in a course a few years ago and I hadn't been able to express sadness.  Other people could get sad but it just seemed wimpy to me.  Lucky for me I had 2 coaches in my program who were being with me in the mirror, coaching me to acknowledge myself for all I have experienced and there it was . . . the flood gate opened and I cried like a klingon warrior.  And the sense of relief was beyond words.

That is what I want for all people.  To have whatever is inside of you, that you think you shouldn't say, or you are afraid to express.  To let it all out.  Speak your mind.  Now, this isn't giving people permission to "verbally puke" on each other.  That isn't what I am getting at.

Somewhere in your past you may have had an experience that had you make a decision.  And that decision has altered your life.  Here is an awesome video to watch about how this old decision affected this man.

Breaking Free from an old decision

And the part of this film I like the best is that part at the end where he is sharing with over 5,000 people what he did and that it is possible for others.  It is possible for you.

Thanksgiving - is change really all that bad?

Today I am present to loss.  Too much of it.  And really I am not the only one who has ever lost anyone, yet at times, I feel like I am the only one who feels this way.  

It is like a two sided coin.  I never have one feeling that I don’t also have the opposite feeling along with it.

My family is shrinking.  My brother, husband and Dad all passed away long before I was ready.  Is one every ready?

And I have an every increasing family.  I guess I could ask myself the question is this bad or good?  Do I like it the way it is or not?  And if I do like it does that diminish the value of the relationships I once had?

I am thankful for my Mum’s neighbours and their friendly horses that we got to visit on this lovely sunny day.  And the chickens that my son and his wife have up the hill.  I really love just being with the animals.  I am thankful for my family and friends.  Each one a special gift to me.  And as this is the year I have declared for reconnection.  I will share the gifts that my friends have given me with each one of them. 

It is not something that comes naturally to me.  So this should prove interesting.  

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  

October 8th, 2012

Manifestlife and Begin With Cleansing . . .

When I was only 14 days into my 30 day cleanse I had already lost 8 pds already. This is by far the most pleasant and easy to take cleanse I have ever used. Yummy Shakes, Delicious drinks. I never was hungry. On the contrary, it seemed like everytime I turned around I was taking another drink or having another snack. Very fun.

Check it out for yourself at my Manifestlife with Cleansing website.

Have any of you ever thought that your life was going in a particular direction. That you knew what was best for yourself. But it just wasn’t happening. And when you finally gave up that goal a whole new world became available to you?

Well that is exactly what is happening to me. At present I am a full time Foster Mum, and a Mother to my own children and a Gramma to 2 beautiful grandbabies. I love being a Mum.

I was just coasting along. Busy with babies. Not really seeing any openings of time in my future. And then one evening . . .

I got to assist my friend Deb at her presentation Journey to Balance and was doing a demonstration of Matrix Energetics. I don’t get many opportunities to practice this work as I am busy with the little ones. And this was a treat. At Deb's presentation she was focusing on the human body's ability to heal itself. She had lined up a few experts for us to learn from.

We got to experience Nia, a form of dance that is transformative in nature, and what a great thing that was - just what I needed to make my energy flow. And then it was my turn to practice and demonstrate what Matrix Energetics can do. We don’t label it in terms of "what it is" because in the labelling or explanation of it there are limits.

Matrix Energetics, I believe, is limitless. And I am frequently questioning reality. And while working on this woman, who was trained in Reiki, she was gracious enough to accept a new reality. What that looked like from your chair was a woman who appeared to loose her footing and collapse onto the floor. 

At the event a woman won the attendance prize of a coaching session with me.  And after seeing the Matrix Demonstration she requested a Matrix Session instead.  I said, how about we wait until after I go to my next workshop and I can do all three for you.  

If you have ever experienced this work it is amazing. 

At a Quantum Touch course in August I, with my good friend Justine, got to learn another point of view in the vibrational healing arena. To expand my vision I believe in never thinking that I "have it" or that I "know" anything.  I am always looking for what else may be possible.  With Quantum Touch there is a lot of focus or using the breath, having an intention and knowing that our Love is Powerful and has an Impact.  

After the weekend course, I had 2 sessions with my Mum 3 days apart.  After the first session she noticed a reduction of pain in her chest.  From a 8 (out of 10) down to almost not there.  And her breathing improved a little.  The second session was just yesterday and I will update you in another 2 days.

Until the next update.
Be well

Finally feels like things are coming together.

I am stretching myself.  I am taking a Coaching Course to update my skills as well as have something that people can understand what it is.  You see I have taken Courses with Landmark Education for years.  And I believe it is top notch education.  And there are no diplomas or certificates with any of the programs.  So therefore here I am once again, having learned a valuable skill and not having anything "tangible" to show for it.

I saw Tony Robbins in a video, marketing his new Coaches training with Cloe Madanes, and I was impressed with his promotional videos.  And now that I am taking the course, I find myself needing tissues to watch all of them.  They are the longer versions of the promo videos.  What I am moved by is the amazing possibility of people to get over their issues and repair their relationships.  It is something that I have seen in Landmark Courses also.  But not something I see in typical situations in life very often.  

I am also putting myself out there on the internet.  Taking a course on Information Marketing and sharing what I know and what I have experienced with more people than I could ever reach in person. 

Both of these things have caused me to really stretch myself.  I am beyond just being comfortable.  I feel like I am on the edge.  And the best coaching (I should have given myself) is to really get related to what is so.  

In my finances, I want to invest in this great new company.  It is a clothing product for men.  So I can't really appreciate it personally.  Although all the men in my house are wearing them and loving them so I want to invest as much as I can. 

Problem was that I was not sure about my financial situation.  And when I am unsure I am unable to act. Well I guess I could act but that would only cause me more anxiety.  So I am in the process of getting really clear about where the money goes.  When it comes in and how it is all working.  So far I have a handle on all the bills that come in.  The Mortgage, Hydro, Cable, Water, now what there is to do is get really clear on the day to day spending.  

Here is a challenge for my readers.  If you choose to take it on, 

Write down all your bills and when they are due.  If you want you could even put them in a spreadsheet and track them.  

And on a large piece of cardboard or in your spreadsheet, you could put all and yes I mean ALL of your day to day spending in there too.  You will see what things you could cut down on.  And what you really like to have and need higher income to be able to continue to do comfortably.  

Do this for the whole month and let see if your purchasing behaviour changes at all.

Dar Archibald

I love what this woman talks about. Here she is talking about Leadership and Capabilities. Check it out.

Customer Satisfaction is what really tells you where a business is going.
If this video doesn't play well for you go directly to the source.

http://ecorner.stanford.edu/authorMaterialInfo.html?mid=1719

There are 5 other videos that are all worth watching on that Stanford University page.



How do you show up as a Leader in your own life?

Check out my new post at my other blog

http://www.mylawofattractioncoaching.com/

Or read it here.

I am feeling philosophical today. At least I think that is what it is.

JUN14

Posted by admin in Life

Over on Linked-In there was a question possed -

There is nothing either good or bad, but only thinking makes it so.

by Darlene Hunter Archibald on Monday, 13 June 2011 at 21:25

Where does knowing something instinctively end and programming begin?

Who determines RIGHT & WRONG?

And here is my point of view on this.  Share yours below.

What I see about this is that the conversation is a Discourse. The Discourse of Is It Right or Wrong? This conversation has been around for centuries. And has gotten more specific over time. We don’t have these thoughts. These thoughts were already here before we were born and we put them on, like a shirt. And no one thought to see if they liked it. Or if they agreed with it. They just accepted it as the truth.

But if you actually take a look at what we believe is right or wrong. You may find there are many things that you don’t agree with at all.

So here is an invitation. To take a look at what you believe. And then look at WHY you believe it.

It reminds me of the story of the woman who always cut the end of the ham off. She grew up seeing her mother do it. So she asked her mother and her mother said, “I don’t know why I cut the end off of the ham. Your Gramma did it.”

So they went and asked Gramma and she said, “My pan was too small so I always had to cut the end off to make it fit.”

So where in life are you “cutting the end off” without knowing why?

My Dad passed away . . . Life is very different now.

It is just sinking in.  No more lunches.  No more going to Costco or Walmart.  No more cuddles.
No more words of wisdom.  No more greatest fan for me.
Now lots of people talk about life after death.  And if it is possible I am very happy for Dad. Because his brother was waiting for him and so was his son.  My first husband was also there.
Here is an interesting and probably totally random bit of information.  I was 21 when my brother died.  I was 32 when my first husband died.  And I am now 43 and my dad died.  Interesting.  I wonder what will happen when I am 54?  Thank goodness I have 11 years to find out.
People call and ask, "What can we do for you?"
The only answer I have is, "I don't know."  You could take all the pain away.  You could erase all my memories so I don't have anything to miss.  You could do my housework and pay all my bills.  You could come and give me a hug.  You could tell me a story about something that you knew about my Dad.
There is no funeral.  No Memorial.  Dad was known by so many people.  And I would love to meet them all.  Just not all in one place.
I find that other people that are incomplete about deaths of their own family members are sometimes the hardest to talk to.  It almost seems like they need support and compassion and I am not really up to that.
Now, I do love to help.  When I am getting down about anything I pray for a call.  And sure enough, someone always calls.  For some support or coaching.  I love the opportunity to provide service. I think if anyone can do it, it is a really good way to get yourself out of your head and be in another person's world for a little while.
A friend of mine shared this on Facebook.  I don't know who wrote it.  But it is pretty timely as that is how I am feeling today.  Like I have held something for much too long and not it is time to Put It Down.
Enjoy,
Dar

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and
explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water,
and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or
half full?'..... She fooled them all... "How heavy is this glass of water?"
she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I
hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for
an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll
have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer
I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is
with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the
burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest
before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the
burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early
in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them
through the evening and into the night... pick them up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment. Relax;
pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now
'supposed' stress that you've conquered!"
Until next time,
Dar Archibald